What are you doing HERE?

I'm sure I told you before, I've packed my bags and moved my things to my own domain, and you should go there immediately.

www.BusterGetMyPills.com

It's September 11th. Are We Gonna Have a Party, or What?

Oops. Sorry, it ain't gonna be as easy as just scrolling down to read. I'm moving my bloggity goodness somewhere else. Here, in fact: www.bustergetmypills.com

You'll find a nifty post about September 11th right there.

I may pop back here from time to time, but it'll always be to remind you to go there, just in case any search engine stragglers stumble in.

The lovely Miss FiFi Amsterdam was nice enough to make me the site, I might as well use it so she doesn't kick my ass. She's a dragon, you know. Luckily I like the site anyhow, so she won't have to breathe the fire at me.

My Neighbor Gets Tasered: One more night of fun in Port Huron, MI

This summer, it's never a dull moment around the ol' neighborhood. Oddly enough, it's pretty quiet and well-behaved place to live, but there's always some form of uniquely Port Huron entertainment going on lately. If it isn't the human Squidbillies across the street screaming, hollering, and having incredibly bad yard sales, it's the one who seems to live by selling possibly stolen and repaired bikes and lawn mowers falling off of a bike in the middle of the street while screaming at his wife.

Tonight (Or this morning. I consider it night since I hadn't sleep yet), about 1:30ish AM, Crazy J, as the lawn mower repairing dude is affectionately known ( because he's crazy), took things to a new level.

I'm not sure what exactly happened. I heard broken glass, came outside as all good homeowners do when they hear glass breaking, and saw Crazy J kind of stumble into the street while yelling something about a "cheating whore". Meanwhile, the police were rapidly approaching, with all of their lights and sirens off, because apparently they like to feel sneaky.

Soon, two more cop cars appeared, and an officer was in debate with Crazy J over whether or not he'll voluntarily stop roaming away, or if he needs to be tasered.

Eventually, it was determined he needed to be tasered, with the policeman announcing he was "being threatened" and "in danger". Damned if I know how a cranky fat guy holding a flag and walking away from you is threatening, especially when you're a cop with a gun, but I'm not a timid as a bunny cop, I'm just some idiot who was nearby and had a camera, so here's the pictures:

I have NO idea what the story is to all of this apart from what you're seeing and reading here right now. I heard lots of obscenities, a few racial words only rappers are usually allowed to use, and I heard a cop offer to taser a man again if he didn't shut up, and I saw a man taken away in a police car. Oh, and I saw a police car arriving very late on the scene with his lights ablaze, come to a screeching stop sliding around a corner purely, as far as I could tell, to be dramatic. But what started all of this...beats the fuck out of me.

More Big Fun:http://www.buster-get-my-pills.com/

Make Money By Being a Jew

It's true! Jews can make up to $50,000, that's 50 THOUSAND dollars, JUST FOR BEING JEWISH.

The downside is they have to move to Hell....err, Alabama, and survive living there for five years before they can collect the money.

Per the Associated Press, via Yahoo news:

"DOTHAN, Ala. - Larry Blumberg is looking for a few good Jews to move to his corner of the Bible Belt. Blumberg is chairman of an organization offering Jewish families as much as $50,000 to relocate to Dothan, an overwhelmingly Christian town of 58,000 that calls itself the Peanut Capital of the World. Get involved at Temple Emanu-El and stay at least five years, the group's leaders say, and the money doesn't have to be repaid. "

Perhaps not surprisingly,

"Trying to lure Jewish families to a quiet Southern town in a state with a reputation for hard-right politics and racial intolerance might be difficult. About 20 Jewish families have sought information about Dothan, though none has made the move."

Still, you'd think this would cap it off and flood the place with Jews:

"Little things are big here: The city boasts what it calls the world's smallest city block, a triangular traffic island near the civic center."

"Peanut Capital of the World", home of the "World's Smallest Block", AND $50,000. I'm surprised Alabama isn't being flooded with greedy Rednecks claiming to be Jews. Maybe they use Jewish dogs to sniff out the real Jews from the pretenders. It's not like they don't have plenty of redneck smell there already to use for reference sake.

More:http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080908/ap_on_re_us/recruiting_jews

Sarah Palin's Original Power Center

This picture from http://www.punditkitchen.com/ pretty much sums things up.

Granted, it's not the sum total of her expereince, she was on the PTA (and in a town of 6,000 people, just how fucking tiny was that PTA group, anyhow?) and for a year and half was the Governor of Alaska, an enormous state with a population smaller than Detroit.

Being Governor is an impressive accomplishment, no matter the state. But time as mayor of a town this tiny…c’mon, that’s silly. That shouldn't even count. I live in a Michigan city of 30 some thousand, and under no circumstances would I EVER think that prepares our borderline psychotic mayor, nor any of our council, to be a heartbeat away from being president with just another year and half’s experience doing ANYTHING.

I'm sorry if you disagree, but if you do, well, fuck, you're wrong. The Republicans have made a mockery of our nation and democracy by nominating her.

TFIMY1: Things Found In My Yard #1 - Random Lawn Panties*

I live on a corner.

I live on a fairly busy street.

I'm used to the noise, I'm used to the passersby, and I'm used to people waiting for the bus in front of my house. I'm used to seemingly every bit of garbage in the neighborhood somehow ending up in my yard. I'm used to it, but I'm still regularly annoyed by it.

Occasionally, however, something beyond the usual paper cup-candy wrapper-beer bottle-chip bag appears. This is one of those occasions.

Sometimes, I'm pretty well stumped as to what led to the item being there, and think I'll end up pulling a brain muscle if I try to twist my thoughts enough to figure out the non-sequiterness of the item. This is one of those sometimes.

I give to you my first EVER experience with Random Lawn Panties.

No, I don't know whose they were. She seemed to be a relatively small person, with an appreciation of the feel of satin when stitched into bikini form. Yes, they were used. Be glad I didn't get a picture from the angle that would prove that statement, it wasn't pretty.

I do know what happened to them, though. I got a shovel. The same shovel I've used over the years to both bury dead cats and plant flowers. I used it to pick up the panties, since gloves just didn't seem like enough for handling pre-used stranger panties.

Then, I flung 'em into my neighbor's yard. An experience like finding random used lawn panties needs to be shared, I think.

* The first in a randomly occuring, perpetual series.

Political LoLcats without the cats

Ah, the fun you find on the internet. I stumbled across the ability to make these at http://www.punditkitchen.com/ and that was an ability I wasn't going to pass up playing with. It's like lolcats without all the heart-melting cute.

My contributions:

Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick Makes Detroit a Better Place

It's official, after facing the strong possibility of being removed from office by Govenor Jennifer Granolm, Kwame Kilpatrick has pled guilty to charges he faced and resigned as Mayor of the City of Detroit, Michigan.

From The Detroit Free Press:

In a courtroom this morning, Kilpatrick pleaded guilty to two felony counts of obstructing justice by committing perjury. He will spend four months in jail, pay up to $1 million in restitution, and serve five years' probation. He also agreed not to run for office during that five-year span.
In addition, the mayor agreed to a no-contest plea to one count of felonious assault for shoving a sheriff's deputy in July who had tried to serve a subpoena on Kilpatrick's friend. He agreed to serve four months on that charge, too, but it will be served at the same time as his other sentence.
The deals also call for Kilpatrick to turn over his state pension to the City of Detroit, which paid $8.4 million to settle two whistle-blower lawsuits three former cops filed against the city. The mayor was charged with eight felony counts ranging from conspiracy to perjury to misconduct in office to obstruction of justice after the Free Press revealed in January that the mayor lied on the witness stand during a police whistle-blower trial and gave misleading testimony about whether he intended to fire a deputy police chief investigating allegations of wrongdoing by members of his inner circle.
In a rushed monotone, before a standing-room only audience, Kilpatrick told Wayne Circuit Judge David Groner: "I lied under oath in the case of Gary Brown and Harold Nelthrope versus the city of Detroit ... I did so with the intent to mislead the court and jury, to impede and obstruct the disposition of justice."
http://www.freep.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080904/NEWS01/309050001

And for the visually oriented, here's the video of Kilpatrick resigning, from the miracle of youtube:

*Sorry about the idiot commentary at the beginning. It's early in the video posting.

This is FANTASTIC news for the City of Detroit, it's citizens, and the citizens of Michigan as a whole. It might not have quenched the bloodlust some had, but it's one of the best things that's happened in Michigan politics in years.

It's obvious Kwame was dirty; that info is very out there for all of us to see. He most likely would have been removed from office by Gov. Granholm had her hearing continued. Whether he would have been *convicted* in court is another story, coming down to the jury, and what would be allowed as evidence (remember, if the texts were ruled inadmissable, a LOT of evidence would cease to, from a legal standpoint anyhow, exist).That, more than Kwame's inital actions themselves, was the real problem. His lawyers argued mightily that the text messages that proved there was a relationship with Christine Beatty, his former chief of staff and ex-lover were illegally obtained. But at the same time, everyone knew - and would know, whether he was convicted or not - he was guilty, regardless of any eventual court verdict.

It's become exceptionally clear to everyone other than those who willingly blinded themselves that he was shamefully corrupt...and seemingly amoral. Despite numerous financial shennanigans detailed in an accounting of his expeditures (and many more that never saw the light of day, since the corrupt bits had to be documented in triplicate and detailed in quadrupule. I know this, because I dated the woman who did the audit) he was re-elected for a second term, so it's clear there are plenty willing to blind themselves to his misdoings.

But reality was still visible to everyone else, perhaps most importantly people in other states who's image of Michigan as a whole is largely influenced by what small amount of news they hear and read about Detroit. This includes the folks who decide where and when to locate and/or expand a business of any type .

Again, like it or not, the state of Michigan is largely seen only in the context of Detroit by people in other states. Kilpatrick, his behavior, and his attempts to cling to his office embarassed the city, the state, and all of us. Which is, quite honestly, far more meaningful to the rest of us than his embarassment of himself, though there's that aplenty. The longer he was in office, the longer the state suffered, and the longer we all suffered in one manner or another, be that economically or just in terms of the images others carry . His resignation is FAR more important than the jail time he serves. It makes the rest of us, and our state, look a whole lot better now that the mayor of our largest city isn't clearly and openly known as corrupt.

His plea deal most certainly won't satisfy those who hungered for his scalp, and he unquestionably got a far, far, far better deal than an "average Joe" would have. Had any person even vaguley connected to the realm of being an average person stolen 8.4 million dollars from their employer to hide a lie, yes, they'd get a far longer, far more painful, and far more appropriate sentence. But Kwame Kilpatrick isn't an "average Joe". He's the mayor of one of America's largest cities. And the rules are hugely different for politicians, the rich, the powerful, and the famous, despite how completely backwards that is. He had hoped to broker a deal resulting in resigning but spending no time in jail. Be glad he's going to do time at all.

On a related note, per the Freep,

Detroit Police Chief Ella Bully-Cummings announced her retirement today through a news release just minutes after Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick pleaded guilty to two felonies and agreed to resign.
http://www.freep.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080904/NEWS01/80904037

This is great news as well. She's less publicized outside the Detroit area, but oh, is she ever a peach. Among powerful folks who abuse their positions and treat people like utter, absolute dirt, she's known for being at the top of that skills list.

Anyhow, Kilpatrick intends to address citizens in a televised press conference scheduled for 7 p.m. tonight.

Attacks, praise stretch truth at GOP convention

The Associated Press analyzed Palin's VP acceptance speech, dividing the truth from the bullshit....here's what they found:

ST. PAUL, Minn. – Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin and her Republican supporters held back little Wednesday as they issued dismissive attacks on Barack Obama and flattering praise on her credentials to be vice president. In some cases, the reproach and the praise stretched the truth.
Some examples:
PALIN: "I have protected the taxpayers by vetoing wasteful spending ... and championed reform to end the abuses of earmark spending by Congress. I told the Congress 'thanks but no thanks' for that Bridge to Nowhere."
THE FACTS: As mayor of Wasilla, Palin hired a lobbyist and traveled to Washington annually to support earmarks for the town totaling $27 million. In her two years as governor, Alaska has requested nearly $750 million in special federal spending, by far the largest per-capita request in the nation. While Palin notes she rejected plans to build a $398 million bridge from Ketchikan to an island with 50 residents and an airport, that opposition came only after the plan was ridiculed nationally as a "bridge to nowhere."

much more: http://news.yahoo.com/story/ap/20080904/ap_on_el_pr/cvn_fact_check/print

Sarah Palin Addresses the Alaska Independence Party Convention

I listened to Sarah Palin's VP acceptance speech at the Republican National Convention tonight, complete with it's flag waving jingoism. You'd think she wishes she'd birthed America from her very own womb. And John McCain, since he was a POW, too, of course.


You'd think from hearing her speech, medicore as it was, she'd be pretty patriotic. It certainly sounded like she's all about the USA, even if her state is attached to Canada (funny how that's never mentioned as foreign policy experience, but being sorta near Russia is...anyhow...) but her 2005 speech to the Alaska Indepedence Party (the AIP), a group that specifically wants to secede from the union, and have Alaska be a seperate nation altogether, certainly doesn't sound all that Yay America! flag-wavy...if anything, she encourages the successionists, as if addressing them at all isn't odd enough.


Granted, her husband Todd Palin was a member of the group himself for some years, up until 2002, but Sarah's sounding like a great, big hippocritapotomus right now to me.


The video, from youtube, since everything's on youtube. Except porn. Though there might be some Sarah Palin porn on milfhunter, who knows.




Didn't we fight a civil war or something like that over something similar with the Southern United States some years ago?

Welcome To The Terrordome

I didn’t write this, but I agree with it. It comes from Jonathan Schwarz of A Tiny Revolution and (sometimes) Tom Tommorow’s This Modern World. Paraphrasing this kind of stuff isn’t my forte’ - yet - so I’m posting it in it’s entirety since I think it’s a point well made that deserves to be read.

Welcome To The Terrordome

McCain’s selection of Sarah Palin as his running mate certainly demonstrates one thing: living through the decadent phase of the American empire is going to be REALLY EXCITING. It could only have been more surprising if McCain had chosen a polyp from his large intestine.

McCain-McCain’s Polyp ‘08 Putting Country First!

A well-functioning empire would produce presidential and vice-presidential candidates for both parties who (1) are experienced in running the empire, and (2) operate predictably within a narrow framework. And indeed, the US empire used to be like that. Eisenhower-Nixon gave way to Kennedy-LBJ. When Goldwater captured the nomination in 1964 with some real psycho vibes, the liberal imperial mainstream could easily crush him—because the empire, then at its height, had the breathing room to offer lots of inducements to regular Americans. Then it was back to Nixon, a competent imperial manager.

The ascendancy of Reagan, who was just slightly less insane than Goldwater, indicated the system was under stress. Still, he was surrounded by people like George H.W. Bush and James Baker, who kept him from going off the deep end. Bush-Quayle and Clinton-Gore supervised a period of needed imperial retrenchment.

But over the past eight years, things have truly gone off the rails. In previous times, destructive nutjobs like Cheney might have been in the room when decisions were made, but they certainly never had the final word. Yet there he is, cackling with glee as he sets fire to one after another of the empire’s supporting columns. And the sane imperial managers haven’t been able to do anything about it.

The failure of the sane imperial managers—*cough* Kerry *cough* New York Times—isn’t due to their own personal faults. It’s because there’s much less slack in the system than there used to be. The empire no longer has the means to keep itself running in a rational way while simultaneously buying lots of people off.

Bush-Cheney have screwed up so badly there might be one last, small opening for sane managers like Obama-Biden. “Vote for us, and we’ll give you a better-run empire, and, and…gay marriage!” However, while there is a long-term constituency for this, it’s a pretty small one.

So before long, there will only be two options for the people who want to run things. First, they could organize a rational liquidation of much of the empire, which would free up enough resources to create a long-term winning coalition. Second, they could go completely bugfuck nuts, and try to maintain the empire while cutting back on all social benefits and counting on the thrills of military triumph and chiliasm to keep them in power. What won’t be possible is the Obama-Biden approach.

In other words, the days of a rational American empire are drawing to a close. We’ll be forced to discard either the empire part, or the rational part. And based on 10,000 years of human history, I’m guessing it’s the rational part that will go.

Whether McCain wins or not, Sarah Palin is a harbinger of the future. The fact there was no one able to prevent McCain from choosing such an obviously inadequate imperial manager, and choosing her in such a bizarre, panicked way, indicates that—as during the decline of Rome, or the last years of Saddam’s regime—everyone sane has already been eliminated from the power structure. And thus we’re left with nothing but the whim of whoever’s clambered to the top of the Crazy Pole.

Welcome to the Terrordome!

—Jonathan Schwarz
http://www.tinyrevolution.com/mt/archives/002523.html

You're friggin kidding, right, Mitt?

A couple days ago...Aug 26th, I beleive, Mitt Romney was speaking to an audience of reporters at a lunch sponsored by the Christian Science Monitor, where he critcized Barack Obama over his noting of John McCain's many homes, and his inability to count them all.

Romney actually vomited the words that McCain deserved his houses because of the "hard work" of himself and his family.

Well, fuck me. I thought it was because he married a rich woman from a filthy rich family that he starting fucking while he was married to someone else. Maybe Romney referred to how hard McCain had to work to woo a rich woman that was reluctant to get involved with a married dude. Assuming she had a problem with adultery, that is. Or, maybe she was stoned out of her mind (she did steal drugs form her own charity, so that one's a possibility too), and that made even getting her attention a shitload of work for an ex-POW vet sorta guy like McCain.

It's gotta be something like that. Granted, it's way the hell harder for a dude to get a sugar momma than for a chick to get a sugar daddy, but it's still hard to comprehend Romney thinks marrying a rich woman equals hard work that makes McCain "deserving." Besides, she might've been a bomber bunny anyhow.

Hmmmmm.

Hey! Maybe Mitt's keyword in his speech was "family", and it was their hard work he was alluding to...maybe, Cindy McCain is/was selling those drugs she pilfered, and put the profits into real estate. Drug dealing would probably be hard work. Far easier for the wife of a senator to get away with than shifty dude in the hood, but hard work nonetheless.

God Damn, do I ever hate bats...

There I was, sitting in the living room, screwing around on the internet looking for a hotel room and reading the news. Then I heard a noise that seemd to come from behind the couch. I thought it might be the cat slithering around behind it, rusting with some paper or playing with something he dragged back there…he’s a cat, who knows? But no, not the cat. Not even a completely different cat. Something way worse. A bat. Goddamn, do I hate bats.

It flew out from behind the couch, up towards the ceiling, and into the next room. I on the other hand, kinda fell off the side of my chair and shrieked like a schoolgirl.

The following is from what I twittered about it, as the whole Dammit, I have a Bat In The House episode occurred, giving the random blow-by-blow and thoughts throughout. Why, I don’t know. A grand total of 4 people follow me.

nullnotvoid FUCK!!!!!!!!!!! A Bat!!!!! about 2 hours ago from web
Dammit I hate bats
Dammit I hate bats
DammitIhatebats
nullnotvoid Get the bat kitty, please, get the bat. about 2 hours ago from web

Dammit I hate bats
Dammit I hate bats
DammitIhatebats

nullnotvoid Useless cat. about 2 hours ago from web

Dammit I hate bats
Dammit I hate bats
DammitIhatebats

nullnotvoid He's a great mouser, but he's useless against bats. I'll have to teach him how to fly. about 2 hours ago from web

Dammit I hate bats
Dammit I hate bats
DammitIhatebats

nullnotvoid goddamn, i hate bats. He's swooping, I'm flailing with a broom.... about 2 hours ago from web
Dammit I hate bats
Dammit I hate bats
DammitIhatebats
nullnotvoid maybe it'll eat the giant fly while it's here. about 2 hours ago from web

Dammit I hate bats
Dammit I hate bats
DammitIhatebats

nullnotvoid damn it, i knocked over a lamp about 2 hours ago from web
Dammit I hate bats
Dammit I hate bats
DammitIhatebats
nullnotvoid AHHHHH! about 2 hours ago from web
Dammit I hate bats
Dammit I hate bats
DammitIhatebats
nullnotvoid I thought I had him corner with a tennis racket but he slipped away...not sure where it's hiding now. about 2 hours ago from web
Dammit I hate bats
Dammit I hate bats
DammitIhatebats

Then FiFi twittered these words at me: damnredhead @nullnotvoid Yay! Thank you. Now STOP TWEETING AND TAKE CARE OF THE GODDAMN BAT!! about 2 hours ago from twhirl in reply to nullnotvoid She was referring to my changing my icon back to a little picture she’d made me. Notice chasing the bat was secondary to displaying her cartooning skills.

Dammit I hate bats
Dammit I hate bats
DammitIhatebats

nullnotvoid I'm not sure where the little winged bastard is now. BamBam seems to be hiding. I'm probably scaring him with the tennis racket about 2 hours ago from web

Dammit I hate bats
Dammit I hate bats
DammitIhatebats

nullnotvoid The bat's hiding from me so I'm hiding from him. about 2 hours ago from web

Dammit I hate bats
Dammit I hate bats
DammitIhatebats

nullnotvoid EVERY time I hear the slightest noise now I think it's the bat, and that he's plotting to swoop me about 1 hour ago from web
Dammit I hate bats
Dammit I hate bats
DammitIhatebats

In pops another twitter pal, also known as info and a whole bunch of numbers on the TH forums WritRams @nullnotvoid: Happened to my brother. He sprayed it with aerosal hairspray. It might've been the '80s... about 1 hour ago from web in reply to nullnotvoid

Dammit I hate bats
Dammit I hate bats
DammitIhatebats

nullnotvoid Wondering where the bat is, and wondering whether I should style it's hair. about 1 hour ago from web

Dammit I hate bats
Dammit I hate bats
DammitIhatebats

nullnotvoid Bam Bam the orange super cat has come out of hiding and is giving me a long verbal description on the night's events...in cat, of course. about 1 hour ago from web

Dammit I hate bats
Dammit I hate bats
DammitIhatebats

nullnotvoid There he is! Grabbing the racket and broom and going chasing again! about 1 hour ago from web
Dammit I hate bats
Dammit I hate bats
DammitIhatebats
nullnotvoid Got him!!!! about 1 hour ago from web
Dammit I hate bats
Dammit I hate bats
DammitIhatebats
nullnotvoid He landed on a window curtain, I opened the front door, smacked him with a broom, smacked him again in mid-air, and he landed out the door. about 1 hour ago from web
Dammit I hate bats
Dammit I hate bats
DammitIhatebats
nullnotvoid Goddamn I hate bats. about 1 hour ago from web
Dammit I hate bats
Dammit I hate bats
DammitIhatebats

nullnotvoid Whew. Now I can relax and get to this hotel stuff. Where's the relaxing elixir? about 1 hour ago from web

I’m assuming my little bat invader snuck in through a crack or something around my air conditioner. All total, it took about an hour and half to get him the hell out of her, with my heart beating faster than a rabbit’s probably two thirds of the time. Goddamn, I hate bats.

This Just In: Brain about to expode after visiting art fair

Just got back from lovely downtown Port Huron, Mi, where there's an - or there was an - art fair occuring. Booths in the main street, closed off to cars, of course, and artists - or those who call themselves artists - selling stuff, or at least trying to do so.

So many thoughts, most of them questions or complaints. And, rightly so. Thoughts to follow, once the fog of alcohol sets in and clever writing becomes most likely.

In the meantime, watch the video in the post below. If you're ever in Toronto, GO SEE THEM.

Heh. Run With The Kittens.

I love this band, and I love this video. It makes me giggle. Not quite like a schoolgirl, but close.

Blue Flame, by Toronto's Run With The Kittens.

Things you can't possibly know about me without reading this

Anybody who's ever spent any time on myspace has seen a survey. Judst a bunch of (usually) random questions, and most of the time, the survey answerer goes with one word answers. I, however, view them as a chance for bad taste and over the top fun! All answers are tongue-in-cheek, except the ones that aren't, of course.

What is in the back seat of your car right now?Holy shit….it’s a dead girl scout! Who the hell would’ve expected that? I mean, a prostitute, sure, but a girl scout? Fuck no, that’s not my gig at all.

Name 3 people who made you smile today?Bam Bam, the furry orange hunter; FiFi Amsterdam; all of the 15 year old looking single moms that walked by the house today with their 3 kids. I smiled because I have no connection whatsoever with any of them.

What were you doing at 8 am this morning?Shakin’ and pissing while curled up in the fetal position. Same as I always sleep.

What were you doing 30 minutes ago?Buying crack from a priest in a dark alley.

What is your favorite board game?The one where you use the board to hit the smug asshole sitting across from you that just won the game.

What is the last thing you said aloud?I was singing along with a song by TISM, called “ I’m on the drug that killed River Phoenix”. It has quite a catchy chorus, I find.

What is the best ice cream flavor?White choclate with brownies and raspberries from Coldstone Creamery. Otherwise, blod clot is good, if it’s from Baskin and Robbin’s, and all of the grocery stores carry Kitten Innards N’ Marshmallows, so I’m good there. Oh, and Dairy Queen’s Chocolate Aborted Fetus Crunch Blizzard is incredible!

What are you wearing right now?Insect Repellant, paint, and cat hair.What was the last thing you ate?A mouse the cat caught for me. I didn’t wanna let it go to waste and hurt his feelings.

Have you bought any new clothing items this week?Nope. I stopped by a garage sale ( not the fish tank yard sale, a different one) a block or so away since they were nice enough to put their damned garage sale sign in my yard, I figured I ought to go see if they were selling crap or what. Despite the sign they pounded into my lawn that claimed there was a air conditioner and a couple other marginally interesting things, all they had were clothes. Really, really shitty clothes. The kind of clothes the salvation army throws directly into the dumpster. So no, I didn’t buy any clothes. Homeless naked people wouldn’t buy those clothes.

What's the last sporting event you watched?I watched a white dude chasing a few black guys down the street…no…wait. That was some Olympic track thing.

If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?China, where I was round up a few hundred children and open a sweatshop and then soon be rich beyond my wildest dreams.

Who is the last person you sent a message on myspace?Fuck, I dunno. But whoever it was, they’re goddamned lucky to hear from me.

Ever go camping?My power was out for 19 fucking days thanks to the ineptitude of DTE and State Farm. I didn’t camp, I lived like a goddamned pioneer. I might as well have been Amish.

Have you ever lost anything down a toilet?Turds. A shitload of turds. I make ‘em, I hear ‘em plop, and then I press the handle to wash ‘em, and they’ve always disappeared by the time I reach in for ‘em.

Do you use smiley faces on the computer a lot?No, I save my smiles for charming the pants off of women and adorable puppies, I can’t begin to spare them on the computer.

Do you drink your soda from a straw?I prefer to use the spinal column of a recently slain raccoon, but yes, I do.

What did your last text message say?Beats me. I’m awful at checking texts. And I’m awful at it because my phone’s older than an antique and I’m a shitty, shitty, shitty nine button typist. I’m a shitty typist anyhow, but I’m even shittier that way. And if I read a text I feel obligated to reply, and I don’t want that responsibility anyhow, and I sure as shit don’t want it when I’m faced with typing too.

Are you someone's best friend?I’m the best friend a LOT of people have, whether they know it or not.

What are you doing tomorrow?Drugs. Lots and lots of fucking drugs. I’ve invited the crack selling priest and the meth dealing kindergarten teacher over and we’re gonna line up all our stuffed toys and have ourselves a lil’ tea party.

Where is your mom right now?Well, I suppose that depends entirely on context. If we’re dealing with the spiritual, then we have to take into account the opinions of everyone as to what occurs to the dead, toss out the views of morons, and then flip a coin really, over and over, until we’ve eliminated all remotely reasonable possibilities in head-to-head coin combat.

Look to your right, what do you see?Bam Bam the orange mouse (well, the mice aren’t orange, the cat is) hunting wonder cat, snoozing away.

Ever ridden on a roller coaster?Yeah, but my favorite ride at Cedar Point will still always be the Epileptic…jumpin‘ on one of those while they twitch berserkly is unbelievable..

Have you ever had your heart broken?Broken, crushed, ground up, fed to a fat kid that vomited, swallowed by a bird, regurgitated into a baby bird’s mouth, and then shit onto a windshield at high speed.

Do you have a dog?Nope, fucked one once though. Back in college. Not proud of that either, even though every kid in college experiments with bestiality.

Last person you talked to on the phone?I don’t talk on the phone. I’m bringing back Morse code, I refuse to let it become a dead language that only Catholics use, like Latin.

Have you met anyone famous?A good chunk of music fucks and a few actors. Lots of low level “going through their 15 minutes” types, too.

Any plans tonight?You’re reading ‘em right now. That and drinking. Which isn’t so much a plan than it is a what I’m doing right now already.

Are you happy?The booze is beginning to kick in, so yes, or I’m close enough for now anyhow.

Where are you right now?In front of a computer. Where in the else fuck could I possibly fucking be?

Biggest annoyance in your life right now?Just how pure, 100 fucking percent idiotic that last question was.

Last song listened to?I’m not sure. It’s on some sort of promo mix CD thing that was sent to the radio station. I dunno who it is or the name of the song, but holy shit, does it ever suck.

Last movie you saw?Star Wars: Clone Wars. The things parents endure because they love their kids.

Are you allergic to anything?Idiots. Christ, am I ever allergic to idiots. You might say, “No Mark, that’s not a REAL allergy. REAL allergies involve itching and sneezing and other physical symptoms”. I say bullshit to that. I’d rather itch and sneeze than put up with idiots.

Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?I’ve these odd looking Japanese tennis shoes I got in Toronto. They look like bowling shoes. And they’re the Most Comfy Shoes EVER. Seriously, I’ve walked miles in them at a time, and when I took them off my feet sighed and asked me to put them back on.

Is anyone jealous of you?If they are they really ought to give suicide a good, long thinking over.

What time is it?Time for another drink. This bottle ain’t gonna empty itself.

Do any of your friends have children?Most of my friends act like children. That’s why they’re my friends. We’re on the same level. And, we’re all down wit’ pickin’ up on the babes at da’ playground, yo’.

Do you eat healthy?Only if my friends bring over their children. Kids are packed with nutrients.

Do you hate anyone right now?No, but give me a minute, I can think of someone and turn it on, I’m sure.

How many kids do you want to have?2. I don’t know if I can eat any more than that unless they’re really skinny.

Have you ever been to six flags?Nah, we were poor. We went to one flags. All we did was spin around in circles while knuckle rubbing our eyes. My parents told me it was like seeing fire works, too. Liars.

How did you get one of your scars?Attacked by a bear when I was but a child. Thankfully, I was born with the strength of two bears and was able to fight it off with my bare hands and a spatula.

Worst. Yard Sale. EVER.

Worst Yard Sale EVER.

That's it. Really. One dirty fish tank. Not even a little orange castle for fish to loiter in.

I saw them hang the sign when I was walking back from The City That's Always Asleep, lovely downtown Port Huron.

I watched from my porch as a scrawny, kinda dirty looking shirtless guy dragged out the tank.

Nothing else ever came out.

That's the yard sale. One dirty fish tank.

Shit's comin'. Just wait.

Really, it is. Granted, this is just a test post, but holy shit, the trouble we'll start!